Thermalabs Exfoliating Mitt (Plus Free Bonus Finger Exfoliator!!)

So I got this product at a discount to review. I don't even...like I just got this random email from the company? I don't remember requesting to review it lol. Maybe I did idk I be doing all kinds of random shit on the interwebs and then be forgettin' about it until some random package shows up at my door and I'm like "oh, right...". Anyway, I shouldn't be allowed to have the internet. 

Like really not because I have no idea what the company wants me to do. They told me to write a blog and like mention the company and product, I think? I can't tell if they want two blogs or--the email was worded...interestingly. Anyway, imma just do this one post. Here's their website link: http://www.thermalabs.com/

lol, so anyway this blog can be a nice notice to companies to never send me shit! I literally only erected this blog so I could get free stuff. Most of it isn't even free, though? It's mostly discounted and I'm like, sigh, but why isn't everything costless to me?? Capitalism is so hard. Also getting this free but mostly just discounted stuff is not as fun as I want it to be. Like, I have to write blogs and amazon reviews and shit and it's just like...sigh. I don't want to! :) I'm screaming at how entitled and incompetent I am. But that's just, like, being a human being. Kill me.

So anyway, THERMALABS EXFOLIATING MITT!! 

Real talk: I used this like once, and not even correctly. I think it's like a Korean bath mitt, right? There's a popular one, I forget the name but it's kind of expensive. I wonder if that's because it actually works? Like when I read about Korean bath mitts and cloths people are always like SHEETS OF MY SKIN WERE FALLING OFF!! And I'm like

Like, who are these people? Why are sheets of your skin falling away as if you are a snake or lizard?? You are a human?? OR ARE YOU????

No but real talk part two: I be wantin' my skin to fall off, too? But like...idk. To get offensive real quick, I feel like a lot of these MY SKIN FELL OFF!! people are...............of the blanco persuasion, if you catch my drift. WHITE AS FUCK!! Like they don't use lotion I heard, soooooooo. Maybe that's why?? 

Anyway, when I first heard about Korean bath towels and mitts and cloths blah blah I really wanted one. I didn't want to buy the popular Korean bath mitt thing everyone was raving about because I did not want to spend money I absolutely did not have :) So the next best thing was a five dollar Salux cloth :)

I got the blue one. I...actually think the colors indicate roughness? Maybe yellow is the least rough and blue the most? Girl idk. The one I had was pretty roughy. My skin was not falling off in sheets while using the Salux cloth, but it exfoliated well enough. It was actually annoying to use. It's like this long ass cloth?? It's good if you wanna reach your back, but honestly....idgaf about my back? I mean I do, but I don't... I'm a dirty bitch. Like, my back can kind of just chill...back (lol!!) there. Letting the shower water hit it...seems to be mostly good enough. Wow @ me. 

Anyway, I'm using these  

exfoliating shower gloves now. From Earth Therapeutics. Works well enough and doesn't cost a magillion dollies. Also, less annoying to use than the Salux cloth, which is long as shit and just...I am so tired already from just having to stand, you know? Stand in the shower? And then you want me to be wrangling this long ass cloth into submission? BYE!! 

So back to this Thermalabs mess. I think for these mitts...it's best for you to soak in the tub...and then after you've soaked, you can sort of...start scrubbing away at your skin. Maybe that's where the skin falling off in sheets stuff is coming from? People actually using these things as intended? Sigh. If I take a bath I will fall asleep and die. Which is for the best, tbh, but I'm too tired to commit suicide. Anyway, this is a sponsored post:), annnnd I didn't use the Thermalabs mitt exactly as intended. I just like...rubbed it all over my body while in the shower? It was alright... One side is REALLY rough. The black side, I think. The rougher the better for me, my skin is mad thick. I have like...bumpy...outer thighs or whatever? Saddlebags?? So I'm an exfoliating beast when it comes to that area. Nothing really gets it to the smoothness I want. ACTUALLY, I just started using this coffee exfoliator thing I just got...which I'll write about later, but I think I've found a breakthrough! Sigh @ this fake sponsored post being about Thermalabs and they're not the breakthrough. Ah well! I could see this working if you use it properly tho lol. Soak in the tub for like twenty minutes and then go to town with the black side? And def oil it up after you're done. Almond oil probably. 

What I'm REALLY lowkey stanning for here is the little exfoliating finger.

I think Thermalabs suggests it for your bikini line and...your lip hairs or whatever?? (???) but I've just been using it to exfoliate my face. I have really big pores that get congested a lot so it's been fun to go to town on my t-zone with the exfolly finger. It does a pretty good job. I just put some cheapo face cleanser on it after wetting it and just scrub scrub. I like it. So I'm glad about the exfoliating finger. Imma still use the mitt too because that rough ass black side is giving me life even though I know it'd be better if my skin was more soaked while using it, but whatever, I love pain :')

Anyway, here's their amazon link lol: $$$$$$$$$

Buy their stuff based off this super-enthusiastic ass review sigh

ShopRite Brand Extra Virgin Coconut Oil

Um, for some reason I was scared to buy this? It cost like seven dollars at ShopRite and I was mad suspicious. Like, why this shit so cheap? 

But...it's just like any of that other expensive ass coconut oil I've been buying before? Nah I'm heated cuz it's obvious them other companies being extra as hell and just profiting off the coconut oil ~trend~ by jacking their prices up. I've seen people trying to sell this same size jar for sixteen dollars and up. Lol sike! You thought!!! I'm Team ShopRite coconut oil all day now. Fuck outta here. I can't wait til white people stop using this shit, though - they're doing the most. What's gonna be the next super-oil? If it's red palm imma be pissed cuz that shit already cost a million dollars. Sigh, it's red palm isn't it? 

Hey Girl Tea

I got these for free, which is cool, because I think they cost like thirty dollars a bag regularly or some crazy shit. For what...18 tea bags. Um,

okay. Like...are you selling Yukon Gold? 

No. They are not. For the Sleep tea you would literally prob be better off buying an eight dollar bottle of valerian root, or a three dollar box of chamomile, like...it's never that serious. I'm soooo over the Sleep tea. It did make me drowsy...but blah. It didn't put me to sleep, so what's the point? I'm ALWAYS sleepy, I don't need a drink to make me even more sleepy...I need something to put me in a coma. Like??? No product should be a million dollars if it's not gonna put you into a coma. Where do they do that? 

Maybe it's a million dollars because there's a bunch of different herbs mixed in (rolls eyes). The Sleep tea has...passion flower (idk), chamomile flower (okay good), lemon balm (this soothes herpes sores!!), catnip herb (okaaay...), stevia leaf (NO), valerian root extract (bien), orange peel (oh...), annnd...soy. Soy? I don't want soy. lol. Even though...doesn't soy produce estrogen? My hairy ass could use some more estrogen prob, but I just have this ingrained like NO NO NO! reaction to soy. So, I'llllll pass. 

The Feel Better tea is actually pretty good, though (even though it also has soy, so....maybe not?). It's supposed to be used if you're sick, I guess, but I was alright when I drank this so idk...what affect it'd have on a non-well. But it made me feel really energized, which my dumb ass was not expecting even though it says VITAMIN C right there on the back of the package. My slow ass took this like way too close to bedtime so that was fun for me!!!:) 

The Feel Better tea hass...Vitamin C (90mg/150% dv), lemongrass herb (okay), echinacea purpurea herb (...good? right? lol), decaffeinated green tea (sure), goldenseal herb (alright), elderberries (dies from the extraness), stevia leaf (uch), panax ginseng root (

), ginger root (alright, damn!!), DEHYDRATED GODDAMN HONEY, LEMON PEEL!!, CITRIC ACID, AND THAT PUNK BITCH SOY!!!!!

 

Doing the most Hey Girl. But your packaging is cute, I guess. But not thirty dollars a package, cute, so. Thanx for the free shit, tho. 

 

My first Smiley360 Box

So I'm souped about my first Smiley360 box. It's Nutrition Now Hair, Skin & Nails gummy vitamins. I didn't like the way the...bottle looked when I first took it out of the package. The residue from the gummies were all over the inside of the bottle and made it look mad dirty, but I got over it. Especially after reading all the vitamins this shit has in it. I thought it would be mainly only biotin? But this shit has Vitamin A, C, D, E (!! supposed to make hair and skin soft), Niacin, Vitamin B-6 (!!! idk, but !!!), Folic Acid, Vitamin B-12 (!!! ??? !!!), MAAAAD Biotin, Fucking Iodine, and Zinc! Like. Also it has some shit called Pantothenic Acid. Gotta bing.com that because...I have no idea. But there's 150% of it, so...hopefully it's something benefical. Don't want...150% of something that will turn my fucking colon inside out. Okay my ipad dictionary thing is telling me it's a vitamin of the b complex that helps with oxidation. I have no alienly idea what that means, but oxidation SOUNDS REALLY GOOD lol. So I'm pumped. I've been taking this ish for two days and both times this gave me mad energy. Like you can def feel it when you take it, and I think that's a good sign. Watch I die lol. I might update in about a month when I finish the bottle to say if I noticed any changes. I'm def planning on buying this when I'm finished because it has so many essential vitamins all in one, but for sure imma wait til I get towards the end of the bottle to see if there were any adverse side-effects before I go making any rash decisions. *Prays I don't get a rash*

Dollar Tree Haul...

lol sike it's like four items. But I am UBSESSED with dollar store hauls and people taking shit out of their cheap little dollar tree/store/general/family plastic bag and it's the worst bullshit lol. I was watching some vid of this woman and she was talking about buying stickers and like...fucking hazelnut flavored syrup and shit for her coffee? It's just a mess. And then Qaadir stays with the off-brand like Hawaiian Punch in the cans and all this random candy AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE TIME HE ATE TAMALES STRAIGHT FROM THE CAN???! 

omg can I focus for two seconds? NO!! Anyway...sigh. lol I am in love with dollar store hauls because I'm a cheap, basic bitch and the dollar store is like, on my level. If I had any money, I guess I could get excited about Bloomingdale's hauls or...what's another store where shit costs money? Idk...like...Walmart hauls, I guess lol pleeeeeez I am so poor. So that's why I love seeing these things, to get the scoop on what's good at the only store that I can afford :') Barely :') But also dollar stores have a lot of random ass items where you're like...that's at the dollar store? Like, the dollar store has reading glasses? Lol I tried looking through a pair and...idk, girl. 

Anyway, the other day I went to my local Dollar Tree because I needed a basin to do my foot baths in. I'm obsessed with foot baths recently (later). So I popped over, RELUCTANTLY, to see if they had any basins. I say reluctantly (you didn't ask idc!!) because there's this weirdo leprechauny white dude who works there and he always chats me up??? I don't think he's trying to flirt, he just seems...extroverted. And I am like WHOA, STOP! Please don't try to converse with me haha!!! He makes me miss the hapless cashiers at Walmart. Like, don't make me start dreaming about having my purchases gruffly rung up without so much as a "hello". Don't make me yearn for Yvette who works the 10 items or less line. Don't do it, boy.

Why do I have this blog/exist??? Iono. Anyway, they sort of had basins. Well, the thing in the pic above is a dish pan, but my feet fit in it (barely, size ten, kill me), so success! But of course I couldn't just get the shit I needed and leave the store, I had to look around. sigh. 

I remembered I needed some lippie because my Carmex ran out. So I go to the ~beauty~ aisle which is also like the deodorant and toothpaste aisle......... and I go for the Carmex but then I see Vaseline Lip Therapy and decided to get that instead. I keep trying to look for more natural lip stuff that doesn't cost a million dollars a tube, but...it's been a trial. So I recently relapsed and bought Carmex, but that shit is...mad medicinal. Idk how I feel about smearing like petrol or whatever on my lips, but the Vaseline Lip Therapy makes them feel good and only cost a dollar so, I hope I don't get mouth cancer :/

The other thing up there is Fake Cetaphil Face Wash. Which is so funny like on the back it says "This product blah blah is not manufactured by Cetaphil blahh". Oh, it's not??? Lol I lovvvve knock-offs, but I always get suspicious. Is it basically the same thing with a different name and less expensive? But why is it less expensive??? Or should I be asking why the original Cetaphil costs like fifteen bucks? Girl, idk, but I like this fake ass "Gentle Skin Cleanser". I've only used it once so idk if it's gonna give me a rash or ebola or whatever, but it's dope for now. And I like feeling like I got one over on Cetaphil. Buy this, so you can too. I am so sad and broken. 

LASTLY!!! My ass snatched up some Dermasil and OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SHIT!!!! I've been ignoring this shit for YEARS. Because my thinking was...it's the dollar store. I can't buy lotion from the dollar store. BUT WHY?! No idea. But I changed my mind the other day and decided to try this and OH MY GOD I'M SO GLAD I LOVVVEE IT!! Lol watch I get a rash or dermatitis or some shit lol. But nah, I don't think so. Like duh this shit got mad artificial ingredients, but it doesn't seem more so than any other lotion. But bruh, this shit feels so good! Like my dry ass skin is mad moisturized right now i wanna scream!!! It feels like sunscreen??? Like idk if it's weird to like...the consistency of sunscreen? But bitch i do!!! And I am livvvvving. I'm taking my coinless ass back over to Dollar Tree to buy as much as the two dollars in my paypal account will allow me! (so...two...considering there's no tax....:/)

Healthworks Organic Quinoa

Off top, I really like this. I got this discounted off some review site, so ended up paying about seven bucks for a two pound bag. I don't know what the going rate for quinoa is, as this has been my first time up at the rodeo, quinoa purchasing and eating wise. So idk what the typical price for it is, but it seems lowkey hella expensive??? And I'm just wondering like.......................why? 

It's being billed as a superfood, so I guess that? I still don't know...like, what superfoods are/do. Unless something has a million vitamins in it, idk...why you're calling it a superfood? But I'm not up to date on my quinoa research, so I have no idea, really. Maybe it cures the Zika virus, WHOM KNOWS??

What I only ever look for is whatever is listed in the Nutrition Facts section. I don't typically pay attention to calories, as I don't watch calories. I don't think they're significant as much as what's good and bad in a product. Quinoa has no trans fat, cholesterol, or sodium. Good start. Carbs is 10%, fine. Fiber is 12%. I always look for fiber because I love to poop, so fibes is important. These percentages account for every 1/4th cup of dry quinoa. 12% is okay, but I don't typically get out of bed for anything below 20%. But since quinoa seems to be a fairly healthy-type food, I'll let them slide. Protein is goodish at 12%, and Iron is okayish at also 12%. I am not wowed, and again have zero idea what is so SUPERFOOD about this product.

It tastes REALLY good though, and I've decided to completely use this in place of my usual white pasta and rice. Maybe not brown rice, though. Brown rice lists more vitamins in their nutrition facts section and it's also way cheaper. Def for me brown rice > quinoa. But I love eating this. I like the texture and consistency lol idk. It's weird like rice, oatmeal, grits...cream of wheat all in one? That is to say you can eat this with pretty much any meal. It also has a sort of planty-taste to go along with the slightly more overpowering starchy base? Which makes me feel like I'm DOING HEALTH anytime I'm eating it.

My main complaint is the rinsing before cooking. You can't just...toss some water on it and then drain it out. Or maybe you can and I'm doing it wrong? Keep in mind this is my first time sort of cooking this product so I'm highly inexperienced with handling it. Maybe I should bing.com how to efficiently rinse this. The first time I tried to rinse it I made a mess...and then also the second time, trying it a different way... I...don't know what I'm doing lol. But I saw on amazon that there are pre-rinsed versions, so guess what my lazy fucking ass will be buying next? It better not cost fifty dollars i swear to beelzebub 

Candida Cleanse

Okay, so after watching Naptural85's video about her hair issues I am almost certain I have candida which is great I love it. I mean, she's talking about going to doctors and shit and getting blood tests, but my poor, life on the fringes ass will not be doing that! So self-diagnosis it is!! Apparently she went on a sugar and gluten free cleanse and feels 1,000% better and so that's what my no willpower having ass will also be doing. Lol yeah right. Last time I tried to give up sugar that lasted all of three seconds?? Also she gave up caffeine and omgggggggggggggg. The easiest thing for me I think will be the gluten-free bit, as I have been falling off carbs, etc for a while. But the sugar and caffeine will be near impossible, but I figure if I write about it here then maybe I will feel forced to do it in order to follow up with a results post. Does anyone read this blog? Absolutely not lol. But maybe...like, one person. And they'll read this and maybe expect to see a follow-up and I'll delude myself with that thinking while going through my cleanse. 

I'm going to do sort of a shoddy, pieced together sort of cleanse because like I said I'm poor and also I'm a huge skimmer in terms of doing research about health. I swear to god I go on these websites and they have fucking pdfs with like 56 pages on fucking oil pulling and it's like

please.

So my ~cleanse~ will be based off of hours of skimming earthclinic and a bunch of other natural, health-focused sites/forums, and then like this one vid of naptural's where she's like "I had fatigue" and I went "lol omg me too!" and decided completely, for-surely I had candida. Nooo lol she listed like a million other symptoms she had and I had almost all of the ones she listed, so I feel sure enough to like...at least detox for a week or so to see if anything improves. She mentioned she drank some mixture of lemon, acv and water, so imma make that my main drink, replacing my usual twelve million cups of coffee a day. Espresso, actually. I am going to die on this cleanse, I know it. Also I have this tub of Organic Juice Cleanse from Purity Products, which has only 1g of sugars, so if it's not too disgusting I'll be drinking that as well. I also read eating like two cloves of garlic a day helps kill off candida? So I'll be making that mistake. And whatever meager coins I have in my account will go to buying a bunch of veg and I'll eat only that pretty much. Plus quinoa. And also some eggs. I refuse to give up eggs. Unless someone tells me they cause ebola or something siiiigh

Idk when exactly I'll start this. Sometime this week probably. Why not RIGHT NOW, you say? Because mind your business, which is the answer to any questions you..wait why am I talking like literally anyone is reading this, sigh. I just want to be able to focus so I can pay attention when I watch k dramas on my dramafever app! It's that too much to ask??? I haven't even watched Exo Next Door yet because my attention is just completely shot. Who...complains that their brain fog makes it impossible for them to watch shitty k romcomedies starring 1,200 member kpop boybands??? Wow, but this candida cleanse better fix me so I can watch!!! 

Anyway, I'll be back with my results at some point. If I don't die. Dying would be an improvement upon my health, though, so, either way, win...win.........

Starbucks Doubleshot Energy (Mocha)

Yikes, I gotta give these up. 26g of sugar? What is that, like, a million tablespoons? (Asking genuinely, sigh). There's just an obscene amount of badness in it even though it has a good amount of potassium, riboflavin, niacin and vitamin b6. But, like, what the fuck even is riboflavin, and why do we need it? I guess bing.com is my friend? And don't even get me started on niacin. And what the fuck is guarana??? It sounds: exotic, illegal, and like possibly a major component of old timey gun powder??? These random vitamins and "benefits" and shit totally make me feel like it's okay to drink this like every day, but this drink doesn't make me feel good at all? So who am I kidding lol. I def don't feel ~energized~. I mean, maybe that's cuz I'm running on like three hours of sleep most days and should not be trying to supplement sleep exhaustion with a fucking can of sugar water fortified with intriguing but unknowable ass vitamins of which it's not made explicit whether or not they actually do anything? I mean, I guess?? Or they wouldn't be included in the daily percentage thing?? 

My coffee and sugar addiction has gone too far. This drink is literally, like, the personification of them. (No, not literally, go back to school you stupid!!). I don't even know if this tastes good or if I just NEED my crack and my body doesn't care. My go-to ~energy~ drink before this used to be those gross ass, chalky ass Java Monsters (cheaper, sadly). That was like all I drank the entire one year I spent watching Netflix and never going to class in college. Pretty sure I would have died had I continued my "schooling" lol. Not lol though because the blood in my veins had 100% been replaced by those drinks. 

Idk when I discovered Starbucks doubleshots, but it was after I left college and less felt I needed this type of drink to stay alive. I just became a ~casual~ coffee energy drink drinker. Lol. Starbucks doubleshot is at least smoother/more palatable than Java Monster, but it causes similar heart palpitations, and the sugar amount is just insane, no? Or is that common for these type of drinks? Instead of having willpower and just entirely kicking my self-prescribed coffee and sugar addictions, I will instead embark on a quest to find a "healthier" coffee energy beverage. Why don't I just die instead? :)

Queen Helene Aloe Vera Hand + Body Lotion

I don't like this. It's very basic. Queen Helene in general is very basic. Which can be good. Like, Cetaphil, for instance, is very basic, but their products work well. Uhhhh...Johnson & Johnson baby products (with the exception of their cancer-causing ass baby powder) are typically very basic products, which I love and I think they have value and get the job done. Queen Helene is just gross. It's like a shitty roach motel. Idk why I keep using their products. I don't even use them a lot...but I do use them, even though every time I am like *DEEP SIGH*.

Like, they're cheap and you get what you pay for, I guess. But they're not cheap enough. I spent like 15 bux including shipping on these two gigantic 32 oz bottles of lotion thinking I was getting some deal. I was not. I could have taken my goofy ass down to the Walmart or literally anywhere else and bought literally ANY OTHER lotion and it would've been better than this see-through liquidy mess right here. 15 bottles of that scary-looking lotion at the dollar store would have been a better investment of my time and coins. Idk whyyyyy I bought this lol. I think I read a review on amazon where a woman was talking about how her old, bed-ridden father uses this to moisturize his missing limbs andFOR SOME REASON I WAS LIKE, I GOTTA HAVE THIS!!! The internet should honestly be taken away from me. I be gettin' lost down mad rabbit holes and creating all these weird ass fantasies in my mind and buying all sorts of unnecessary, unhelpful ass shit that is in no way relevant to me??? AND I KNEW FOR A FACT THAT QUEEN HELENE WAS WHACK!! I think I got caught up with the missing limbs story and also the whole ~Aloe Vera~ thing. I love Aloe Vera, so immediately become interested if a product has it, and I don't think I've ever seen this lotion before so I got excited thinking Queen Helene was doing something new and about to DELIVER!!! Stupid. So dummy. Wait what am I quoting it's a rap song but I can't te..ll...is it an embarrassing rap song omg abort aborttt

Anyway omg, this lotion is watery and whack. My skin is thick and dry so check no juliet. But even for you thin-skinned, naturally moisturized bitches...this isn't going to do anything or make you happy. It's just some cheap ass lotion with an ~aloe vera~ scent. When will I finally quit Queen Helene? Why am I so dumb and slow? Queen Helene was made for people like me. I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT WHACK MINT JULEP MASK MY TEEN MAGAZINES KEPT RAVING ABOUT THAT DID FUCK! ALL!!

I just remembered the rap...I remembered the rapper. Childish Gambino siiiiiiiiggggggghhhhh. Wait, "Heartbeats", right? Ugh. I love that song :/

Glysolid Glycerin Cream (for the skin)

I bought this to use on my lips. I'm obsessed with making my lips be really soft and shining and buttered and glistenin', etc. So I'm always on the hunt for some new shit to make my lips look like little cloud angels on my face. Kill me haha. 

AT FIRST I loved this, loved how it felt. It was a new, sort of weirdy feeling to me what with the sort of gooey glycerin putty provided in the little container. But the novelty of it wore off and I started noticing that it wasn't moisturizing my lips the way I wanted them to? The glycerin sort of just sat on top, instead of sinking in, which is a no for me. Also the glycerin is very sweet? Like even if you don't have a sweet tooth or are prone to chewing on your lips, you're likely to be gnawing off your face labia using this. So I def don't recommend this for lips. It's okayish as a hand cream, which is what I transitioned to using it for, but, like, this lil ass container (3.38 oz/100 ml) cost like ten bux...so I can find cheaper hand cream, you know? The glycerin feel is really cool though, so if you want to try something a little different in terms of a moisturizer, maybe try this out? Also a lot of reviews I read for this were really positive and seemed genuine, so maybe my experience is not common and this is truly an amazing product. I'm gonna try pure lanolin next for my lips. I need to find people as obsessed with lips as me, like I feel so particular about my lip products and haven't even come close to a holy grail. Lip is--LIFE is hard! ugh omg!!!

Nature's Way Pau d'Arco Inner Bark Capsules

So like any unhinged lunatic, I've diagnosed myself with candida overgrowth. Like is not literally everyone who has ~~candida overgrowth~~ self-diagnosed? I've seen like pics of people's tongues who have it...and them shits look like they growin' bread in they mouth. My tongue doesn't look like a yeast infection but in my mouth persay, but it's not like pink?? Idk if I just don't drink enough water or...?? Like I consume a lot of sugar? Which, yikes. And then my readings on candida tell me it feeds on sugar??? And possb my sugar cravings are born from this unknowable beast taking over my body??? Also I had eczema once???! So, idk. For now I've decided I have candida, and if I don't...I at least have an addiction to sugar I deeply want to kick because I feel very middle-class with my sugar addiction and I'm base over it. So off I go on my mission to kill my demons by eating healthy and taking unpronounceable vitamins and herbs I find on amazon.com. 

I read about pau d'arco on some chick's blog. She seems to be battling candida and trying all these different remedies. The one thing she says that controls candida is pau d'arco. But she specifically said tea. So I went to amazon to find the tea but got side-tracked by my discovery that this shit came in pill form. I'd much rather take a capsule than drink a tea because most of these herbal teas be mad...like...gross? Lol, like...not good-tasting. I'm a prissy bitch, I can't drink some shit that don't taste good, and reading up on the pau d'arco tea, they were saying it tastes like licorice?? Uhmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Like, licorice tastes good as a candy...but that shit sounds like it'd be gross af as a tea? And I started getting 'nam flashbacks to my time with cinnamon tea *gags*. Good in candy and shit with mad sugar, but absolutely R E V O L T I N G as a drink. So the capsule sounded better, HOWEVER the census seemed to be that the tea worked more efficiently????? But then I read that getting the specific inner-bark capsules would be just as potent?? 

GIRL IDK!! HELP!!! I've been taking the maximum dosage, which is 4 caps, three times a day. I've been doing this for about...two weeks??? So it's probably WAY too early to be ~reviewing~ it...but idk. It might be doing something? Like lowkey it feels like it's exorcising...stuff? Which I don't...know how to explain. Part of me wants to go more intense and take it with the tea, which I think my pussy ass is going to do, I guess? Also I think I might want to throw some oregano oil in the mix and really fuck my shit up lol. Idk. This MIGHT be doing something, but......like I said...I self-diagnosed??? So idek what I'm trying to "cure", but I think I want to take these for a while. Tbh, I feel like I'm becoming less-interested in sugar? Is that in my head? Like I'm only doing two teaspoons in my coffee now which is still like...more than zero, which is where I want to be. I wonder if this is from the pau d'arco. I think imma keep taking this shit and also revising my diet. I just bought like two pounds of quinoa on discount lol turn up. Uhhh and Farmer's Market season is here so I'm gonna be gunning for buying the most intense fruits/vegs and see what occurs. Like, I really want a pink tongue. I wish I had...loftier goals??? But health = success. For me. Sigh, I wish I could go back to when like fur coats and a Jaguar equaled success. But who am I - Sean Pee Diddy Combover? No, and thank goodness. 

Mountain Ocean Coconut Skin Trip Moisturizer (8 oz.)

This is one of those cult beauty products you read about all the time on beauty blogs. Or, more specifically, white beauty blogs, lesbihonest lol. Two or three years ago I was all about the white beauty blogs for what reason I cannot tell you. The white girls just...have different needs than the black chicks. You can still find some good advice/product recs, but I've noticed they tend to be into a lot of stuff that is verrrrrrrry Caucasian, and Skin Trip, IMO, is def one of those products. 

I purchased this because all those yts were raving about it. It was so amazing and coconutty blah blah bah. This little ass 8 ounce bottle cost about ten dollars, which was not OBSCENE, but...there are like 32 oz bottes of lotion at Walmart that cost like four bux and work just as well. I'm a cheap bitch, so $4 for 32oz > $10 for 8oz. If this bottle of Skin Trip had like UHMAZING benefits, it'd be one thing, but it does not. It's just a simple bottle of lotion with fairly typical ingredients. The first ingredient listed is Purified Water, which is cool, and the next three are ccoonut oil, aloe leaf, and some sort of hybrid safflower oil which all sounds pretty good but then then you start getting shit like sorbitol, stearic acid, longasschemicalname, etc etc and it basically is just a bottle of Queen Helene with some coconut in it. 

If you REALLY love that fake-beachy sort of coconut scent (which I do) this is the product for you. If you are ONLY seeking a really good coconutty scent. It smells so good! But...for me, someone with thick AND dry skin, no dice. I need somethinng thicker with some ahas or...lanolin is one of the first ingredients or something. I need expensive ass Cerave. I am willing to pay extra for a lotion that actually DOES SOMETHING, not for a lotion that just smells good. I've had this bottle for months, though, and have been using it as a hand lotion and that has satisfied my need to smell it quite well. Prob will not buy again, though. Maybe if they gave me like 16 oz for 10? Then maybe. 8 oz for $10-11 is not worth it for something pretty regular that has almost no benefits.